What I Feel

I dunno what Im feeling today happy, sad, missing, hate, selfish or just lonely. Living my life like this could kill me, it wont take long time tho, maybe until Im 35 or 40. Sad eh? I just like, losing my way, losing motivation, losing all I got and the most sad is Im losing my grip cant take it much longer. This post about today when I was facing with my X.

Well, after more than 3 years I finally could see her, face to face but not as clear as you think. She was on the same bus with me, she was wearing orange shirt with black pants. 10 minutes before, I was thinking of her on the same bus and reach her when she wanted to get on the bus. But, the truth she took the front door so it never happened and I was sitting at the back door

I barely, couldnt she her eyes. I was preteding not to see her, my hands were shaking, my heart was beating fast. I dunno what I was doing, everything around me seemed so dark all I can see was her. I was wondering did she look at me or not ? She got off the bus at Cilandak intersection, she walked toward me and we were looking each other like we were strangers.

Im not trying to open the old scar, but I just want share what I felt today and it was shocking me. Hey, if I just could turn back time. I would go back 4 years when I was with her, I would treat her better, care her, love her and trust her. Maybe this is the reason latety Im so bad mood, Im missing her maybe.